Why is tanning so important to me?

I just got back from a lovely holiday, which got me thinking about something I’ve been struggling with: accepting my pale skin.

I love having a tan. I feel like it suits me. I feel like I look healthier, less tired, and I need less make-up.

Unfortunately, my body mostly disagrees.

I do tan, but it takes a long, long time - and often results in at least a bit of burning. While I struggle to accept it, realistically I'm more pale English rose than olive-skinned beauty.

And yet, I still persist.

Whenever we go on a sunny holiday, one of my favourite things to do is lie in the sun reading by the pool. I love checking in the shower to see how my tan lines are progressing. I used to use fake tan religiously, despite the time and effort it took - but my husband can't stand the smell, so I stopped (if anyone knows of a good fake tan that genuinely has no “biscuity” smell, please do share!).

The peak of my war against my pale skin 

This contest between me and my body came to a head on last week’s holiday, when I developed a sun allergy for the first time in my life. I suspect it was a result of a supplement I’ve started taking (and hopefully temporary), but any time spent in the sun resulted in a big red rash.

And I'm ashamed to say that I still sunbathed, despite it making the rash worse.

I had so many feelings: frustration, disappointment, embarrassment. And ultimately, shame that I was violating everything I preach about listening to your body.

I know that tanning is bad for my skin. Even a tan with no burning is still sun damage. But more importantly, it doesn't even feel good in the moment. My body is actively shouting that it feels wrong, and I do it anyway.

That’s the bit that really stuck with me. Because this isn’t just about aesthetics. It’s about overriding my body in pursuit of something I think I should look like. 

It also reminded me how hard acceptance can be - even when we know what's best for us. Knowledge alone rarely changes behaviour. Beliefs, identity, and social norms are powerful. And even when we see the pattern clearly, change still takes time.

It’s not just me

When I think about accepting my pale skin and sticking to the shade, it's hard because it's not just my own beliefs telling me that tanned = better. It's our culture.

It's the teasing I got for my extremely pasty legs when I was younger.

It's the compliments I get when I have a tan.

It's seeing everyone else around the pool tanning (and burning).

And when I was in my early twenties, everyone was fake tanned. Including me.

It's hard to move away from something that’s been reinforced for so long. 

So how do I solve this?

There are a lot of parallels here with body size and weight - an area where I've been striving very hard towards acceptance. The social pressures. The beliefs in my own head about what looks good, or healthy.

So I suspect I probably need to approach this in a similar way. Here are three small things I'm going to try:

• Finding inspirational examples of women with similar colouring to me to follow on social media

• Noticing my negative thoughts when I look at my pale skin, and positive thoughts about my tanned skin, and trying to reframe them

• Writing down the positives of avoiding tanning (no more constant suncream reapplication, less risk of painful sunburn, healthier skin, lower cancer risk)

None of this is about suddenly loving my pale skin overnight. It’s about gradually accepting it - and choosing to look after it, rather than fighting it.

How do you feel about tanning? I'd love to know.

Note: I'm very aware that the challenges I have with my skin tone are nothing compared to the systemic discrimination people with darker skin face. I'm not trying to minimise those experiences - and I recognise that my paleness comes with a lot of privilege. I still find it interesting how powerful beauty standards can be, even when they work in our favour in other ways.