Being willing to try
Over the last couple of years, I’ve worked quite hard on my physical strength, stability, and fitness. I’ve loved feeling stronger, but I’ve also noticed a big shift which I hadn’t anticipated: my willingness to try.
I hadn’t noticed until it shifted, but I’ve spent many years not even trying things because I felt I wouldn’t be able to do them. I’ve always struggled with my coordination and strength because of my hypermobility, and as I’ve got older (and weaker!) I've gradually stopped trying to do things that I expect to struggle with. It might be a new activity or sport, or often even just engaging in social activities which I feel might be a bit much for me.
Of course, there's a balance here. I have genuine physical limitations, and I need to listen to my body and avoid pushing myself into pain or injury. But I've realised that somewhere along the way, I'd become so used to expecting things to be difficult that I sometimes ruled them out without even trying.
And if I don't even try something, I'm definitely not going to succeed in doing it.
Achieving feels good
When I look back over the last year or so, I feel really proud that there are definitely a few things I’ve done, which previously I wouldn’t have even attempted.
Earlier this year, while on holiday in Scotland, we ended up hiking up a much bigger hill than we'd intended (thanks to some poor navigation 😂). A few years ago, a similar thing happened in Wales, and I spent the whole walk feeling miserable, worrying about whether I'd be able to keep going. This time, though, I loved it. I felt capable, and trusted myself to get through the tougher bits, knowing I could slow down or take a break if I needed to.
An even bigger challenge came last year, when I went mountain biking, having barely ridden a bike since I was a teenager. After some (perhaps ill-advised) guidance from the guy in the bike hire shop, we chose the "intermediate" route, which turned out to be VERY off-road, with jumps and steep banked turns 🙈.
A few years ago, I wouldn't even have considered going mountain biking, for fear that I'd be too unfit or fall off. And you know what? Both of those things were kind of true: I had to walk my bike up most of the hills, and I did fall off! But rather than letting those things ruin the experience, I just dealt with them, adapted where I needed to, and actually really enjoyed myself (despite being terrified at times!).
In both situations, I took on something I would previously have avoided, because I trusted myself to give it a go and deal with whatever happened along the way.
My latest challenge
This is all on my mind this week because I have a new challenge to take on: a somewhat challenging dance move.
I love to dance, and we’ve been learning to Jive for a few months now. We’re currently working towards a little performance with a small group. One of the moves is challenging: my partner pulling me through his legs, with me then coming up to standing.
It's like something straight out of Strictly!
Between my size, my strength, and stability, I knew this would be HARD for me! Our teacher is lovely and said that we didn’t have to do it if we weren’t all comfortable - and previously, I might have just said “no, I won’t be able to do that”. But this time, my mindset felt completely different. Despite the first few times ending up with me lying on the floor (or headbutting my partner in the crotch 😂), I said “we’ll practice, we’ll at least try”. I’m pleased to say that while it’s not quite there yet, it’s already feeling less impossible - and I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t tried.
I’ll report back on whether we’re able to get it to performance standard!
It’s not just about getting stronger
Now, a lot of this change is, of course, down to having fewer symptoms and being physically stronger. Things that would genuinely have been difficult for me a few years ago are now much more manageable.
But I think there's another big shift here: I believe in my ability to do things.
I’ve written before about this belief: it’s called “self-efficacy”, and it’s super powerful in driving our behaviour. It helps us to be more active and have better health outcomes.
When I didn’t believe that I could succeed, I shied away from doing things. But the more I've tried, the more confident I've become. That's because one of the most powerful ways to build self-efficacy is through what psychologists call "mastery experiences": doing something that gives us evidence of our own capabilities.
These don't need to be enormous achievements. Every time I've lifted a slightly heavier weight, managed a new Pilates move, or exercised for a bit longer, I've been showing myself that I'm capable of more than I previously thought. And gradually, those smaller successes have helped me feel more confident about taking on bigger challenges.
But what if I fail?
There's another aspect to this, though, which I think might be just as important: I'm becoming more willing to fail.
I'm not only more confident that I can do things, but also that if I struggle, or things don't go to plan, I'll be able to handle it.
This is what psychologists call “coping self-efficacy”: our belief that we can manage difficulties and barriers when they arise.
I think this is a big part of what's changed for me. When I fell off my mountain bike, I got back on. When the hill was steeper than expected, I slowed down and took breaks. And when I ended up lying on the floor during our dance practice, I laughed, got up, and tried again.
None of those experiences went perfectly, but I learned that I could handle things not going perfectly. This feels really freeing - because it means that trying something new doesn't have to come with the expectation that I’ll succeed. I can give it a go, knowing that if it doesn’t work out, I’ll cope.
What might this look like for you?
The things I've achieved might feel tiny and insignificant to you, or they might feel enormous and unachievable. Success and progress look different for all of us.
But I wonder whether there's something in your life that you'd enjoy, but you've already ruled out because you're convinced you wouldn't be able to do it?
There might be a good reason why it's not right for you. But perhaps it's worth asking whether there's a version of it you could try, even if that's starting small, getting some help, or doing it differently from everyone else. And remember: you don't have to be certain you'll succeed before you're willing to have a go.
I'd love to know if this resonates with you. Is there something you've surprised yourself by trying, or something you'd love to feel more confident having a go at?
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